This is 29 – On things I am learning to accept about myself
On Tuesday, I turned 29. This is supposed to mark the last year of my twenties. I feel like they flew by so fast. My twenties have actually been pretty good to me. They have marked my spiritual and mental growth/spurt/awakening in so many ways. I am not the woman/girl I was 10 years ago, I am the woman she would be happy to have as a big sister or friend. I would love to live my last year on the 20’s row in celebration. An ode to some good times. So, I wanted to capsulize the things in me that I am learning to accept and embrace:
First of all, I want to live this year as a continuous practice of my recent favourite mantra and affirmation; “I am worthy of abundance and ease”, to welcome more abundance and to appreciate and feel worthy of the ease/flow that life sometimes sprinkles my way.
2) I am learning to accept that I can be stubborn and dislike being told what to do but to turn that into something that actually benefits me. I have to continue to be stubborn in the right things; my passion, my love for others and my dedication to a holistic life. And for not liking being told what to do? To be fair, the good thing about getting older is that fewer and fewer people tell you what to do 😉 Beyond that, designing a life where I get to choose and create my own life and how it unfolds, means that I can become ( and becoming) more and more my own “boss” – So, let´s just hope I can at least be better at doing what I tell myself to do ha!
4) I like to be alone but I like to be with people too and that is tricky but okay! I enjoy my time in solitude, I love being in my own company and thinking about things, exploring new ideas, creating things over a podcast, or watching “deadly women” for some reason( women can be dangerous ya’ll!) in the same breath, I also like intimate connections with others, preferably one on one. I love sharing a good meal, conversation or activity with my closed ones. It fills me with so much joy, belonging and purpose! I am learning to accept that sometimes I will find a balanced way to do that, but other times, I will feel guilty/lonely for just being by myself and other times, I´ll feel overwhelmed and regretful being with other people – it is a balancing game that I am still trying to figure out and that is totally okay :).
5) Last but not least – to accept again and again, that where it sucks is where the growing begins. Whether writing a book or drawing or editing a video or getting through a bump in a relationship, sucking is a huge part of the growth part! But only if you don´t give up but instead, brace yourself and breathe through it to the other side. It is sometimes where the good art is, where the good filming and editing is and especially where the good loving is. While I don´t want to contradict my mantra and affirmation, I also know that sometimes the hard and challenging parts of life are there like heavyweights at the gym, trying to help you build more resistance and strength or even appreciation for the sweet and good times to come.
On another note, as the day set on my birthday, after spending the last hour or so on capturing my first day at 29 (the first time taking self-portraits of myself with my new camera), I learned another thing that is important to me – to capture my moments, the good, the boring and the bad, to share them and document them. I might need them in the future as reminders or teachers or inspiration. I want to document myself more, my seasons and changes. I also sometimes think of my future children and how awesome that might be in some way for them? I mean, there are so many things I would like to know about my parents as they journeyed through life. I feel like I could have understood them better or even myself more, by seeing how they came to be who they are. So, here is to taking more notice.
Wish me luck guys and may life find you blooming, wherever you are planted!
