On “Steal your man/woman culture”

Don´t we all deserve healthy love?

Growing up, I always wondered why girls were taught to fight over a guy? Personally, I never wanted to even bother because it was oddly really apparent to me at a young age, that if someone really loved you, you wouldn´t need to be competing/fighting for them. If I was taking a liking to some guy, regardless of how amazing I could imagine him and I being for each other, if he was with another girl, I would always keep that in mind while interacting with that person. In fact, I would side-eye any guy who might be too laissez-fair with how they approached me or other girls, when both him and I knew he had a girlfriend. Even if that guy did eventually end up becoming single, they would have given you an example of how they would treat your future relationship, should you choose to have one with them.

“The steal your man/girl culture” is really a disheartening one, because 1. it makes the person you are ‘stealing’, seem like a person without thoughts of their own, an object for wining and persuading. 2. it also makes the ‘stealer’ appear as though they exist in an environment where the only way to get a partner, is by destroying another person´s partnership. Or that they have an unhealthy idea of how to built a stable and healthy relationship. Also, how do you sleep at night knowing the person you love was willing to cheat and leave their partner for you? How do you then build trust from there? How is that really going to benefit someone wanting a healthy relationship?If you have to get a partner through means you would never want your partner to do to you, what conduct of love are you then building on?

Those were/are often the questions that would float my head when pop culture, especially black pop culture, celebrates this destructive practice of love. A practice that leaves a path of broken hearts wherever it goes.


Once, during my church days, a pastor was telling a children story that took place somewhere in Africa. I don´t remember it too clearly, but it was a story of a group of kids who were told to race against each other and the winner of the race would get a bowl of cookies for themselves. After a few races, the same thing would happen; whoever won the race would take the bowl of cookies and share it with the rest of the kids. When asked why, they answered ” Because Ubuntu, how can I enjoy something when my friends can´t get any?”  Ubuntu also means that we are connected and what affects one of us, affects all of us. For me this means, I share of the pain, love, kindness and healing I cause others.

So when it comes to love, and practicing destructive love manners, no one really wins, everybody looses. Demanding better love practices for ourselves, respecting those of others, benefits us as a people and a community as well. It also makes us cherish and rest in the love we have, knowing that those around us and the people we are with, desire to practice a healthier love conduct too. Everyone wins when we choose to love healthier.

Anyway, I hope that was of benefit and that you are always able to find and encourage healthy and nourishing love, wherever life plants you.

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(P.s the images used in this post do not belong to me)


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